What it is
Friend groups follow seasons. There's a spring where a group forms fast around a school, a job, a team, or a neighborhood. A summer where it flourishes and feels permanent. Then a fall: someone moves, someone has kids, the job changes, and the group thins. And a winter where it goes quiet. The modern world demands perpetual summer from everything, endless growth and constant connection, but relationships have never worked that way. Gardens don't, either.
Why it matters
People treat a dissolved friend group as evidence that something is wrong with them, and that shame keeps them from starting over. But dissolution is the default outcome of lifestyle change, not a verdict. Over a full life you may need something like ten distinct friend groups, which means you will plant and replant many times, and the skill of starting a group matters more than the luck of keeping one. Winter has a function too. It's when you rest, reflect, and figure out what you want the next season to look like. The failure mode isn't losing a group. It's responding to winter by never planting again.
What to practice
- Notice which season each of your friendships is in, and stop demanding summer from all of them
- Let dormant ties go dormant without guilt; dormant is not dead
- When life changes, yours or theirs, reach out; spring often starts with one message
- Keep planting: one recurring event, one new regular spot, one invitation
- Grieve the group that ended, then thank it; it did its job for its season