What it is
This is a practice made mostly of refusals. You come across people having fun in public, kids playing ball in the street, a table laughing too loud two tables over, somebody's music at the park, a group doing something a little ridiculous, and you don't shush them, don't glare, don't go looking for the sign that says it isn't allowed, don't draft the message to the group or the association. The baseline version costs you nothing but a complaint you decline to make.
There are two better versions above that baseline. You can approve out loud: clap for the performer, laugh along with the loud table, tell the kids nice shot. And when it's available, you can join, which is the whole point of the exercise. Same event, three possible roles, and you get to pick which one you play every single time.
Why it matters
Fun in public is fragile in a specific way: it usually takes one visibly disapproving person to end it, and everybody involved can feel exactly who is watching. That's what makes bystanders decisive rather than neutral. When fun gets shut down, the lesson doesn't land only on the people who were having it. It lands on everybody in earshot, and the lesson is always the same one, which is don't be the one who starts it. Do that to a neighborhood for a few years and you get somewhere very quiet where nobody can quite say what happened.
It's also the cheapest practice in this guide, because unlike almost everything else here it asks for no courage at all. You aren't the one risking anything; you're the audience, and the audience decides whether the thing survives. There's a return on it, too. People are careful around anyone they suspect might disapprove, and they relax around anyone who clearly won't. Be reliably safe to be silly in front of and fun starts happening near you more often, which is a pleasant way to end up in the middle of things without ever having to start them yourself.
What to practice
- Don't file the complaint; let the kids play through and the loud table stay loud
- Clap for the street performer instead of walking past, and be the first one to do it
- When someone tells you about something they're excited about, match their energy rather than flattening it
- Retire "aren't you a little old for that" completely, including when it's aimed at yourself
- If you run a space, an event, or a group chat, protect the fun instead of quietly managing it down
- Take the invitation to join over the seat on the sidelines whenever both are open
Go deeper
- Blog: The Fun Police
- Blog: Anti-Human Systems
- Play (activity), and why it persists into adulthood