What it is
Passing friends are the people you'd genuinely get along with, but the way you met caps the relationship at one encounter: the airplane seatmate, the barber, the Uber driver, the stranger in the long line. Because they can't hurt you and you'll never see them again, there's no risk in being open, which is why you can end up discussing your job, your family, and housing prices with someone you met five minutes ago. It's a strange and real form of connection, and it's available almost every time you leave the house.
Why it matters
These conversations are valuable twice. Once in the moment, because being listened to by a friendly stranger is genuinely therapeutic, a low-stakes version of the thing we pay professionals for. And once in the long run, because passing friends are how you keep the talking-to-strangers muscle warm. Someone who chats easily with seatmates and barbers finds it much less daunting to speak to the new neighbor or the other parent at practice, and those are the conversations that turn into actual friendships. Skip the practice for years and the muscle atrophies right when you need it.
What to practice
- Leave openings: no headphones on flights, in lines, or in cabs
- Answer the small question with slightly more than the minimum; that's usually all it takes
- Ask about the other person's day like you mean it, because you have nothing to lose
- Let it end when it ends; a good passing friendship doesn't need a follow-up
Go deeper
- Blog: Passing Friends
- Blog: The Fun People Are In The Middle Seat
- Book: Talk to Strangers